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Have you ever been asked to lighten up? Have you ever said "lighten up" to someone else? Personally I do not find it offensive to be told I need to, but recently I said that to someone and they said "don't you ever say the to me again."
Is it a big deal? Did he over react thus proving he should heed my advice? Are there times when it is not appropriate to tell someone to lighten up?
Is it a big deal? Did he over react thus proving he should heed my advice? Are there times when it is not appropriate to tell someone to lighten up?
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Re: Lighten Up?
Wed, June 10, 2009 - 12:58 PMIt tends to sound patronizing, I think.
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Re: Lighten Up?
Wed, June 10, 2009 - 1:28 PMOh my god I hope you didn't say "over react thus proving he should heed my advice" in this situation.
The only times it's appropriate to say "lighten up":
• a joke
• your very, very good friend (and it's a joke)
• to yourself
• you intend to piss your target off
It would count as "fighting words" in GA law. -
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Re: Lighten Up?
Wed, June 10, 2009 - 2:52 PMI have never considered it to be anywhere near fighting words. Maybe I should have just told him to take a chill pill.
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Re: Lighten Up?
Thu, June 11, 2009 - 12:12 AMI think this is highly contextual;
I would say in most things, it's probably
okay to say it, unless someone died,
has a serious illness, etc.
If someone is being "overly deep"
(which I can be, on occassion)
it's perfectly acceptable.
Not knowing the context, I can't
say whether the person who
told you to never say that was being oversensitive
or not, but possibly. -
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Re: Lighten Up?
Thu, June 11, 2009 - 3:35 AMMaybe it's a regional thing.
Was the guy a southerner?
Personally, I'm liable to get pissed off if someone says "hello" before I've had coffee (had to quit the politics tribe for health reasons).
But really-really - for whatever reason it's viewed as beyond patronizing, beyond disrespectful, right on into something like verbal rape, for someone to use that kind of casual language when addressing someone else's rage. You can say "now come on, Bill" or whatever else that's appropriately serious a/o respectful, but such as "chill out" or the like are fighting words.
Ray's point about over-depth is a good one - that's a different context altogether and would help us out down this-a way. A lot of southerners definitely need to lighten the fuck up. -
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Re: Lighten Up?
Fri, June 12, 2009 - 9:54 PMI think to remind someone to "lighten-up" is a good thing. There is a tone of voice issue, if you say it in at all an accusing tone of voice it sets off a defensive response which is not helpful. But I think in all situations lightening up is actually helpful advice, it's in the delivery. -
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Re: Lighten Up?
Mon, June 15, 2009 - 10:59 PMLighten up is probably not the best term to use. It implies an authoritative relationship of superiority that may not be appropriate among equals. No, you might want to simply ask "Geez, what's eating you?!" That's more inclusive and does not imply that the person dispensing "wisdom" is some how implying that they're in a position of emotional authority over the other person. Further, it leaves the things open for dialog. In fact, "Lighten up!", only shuts down the discussion, especially if the person it is directed at is in earnest. I don't use the term if I can help it. Of course, if discourse is basically at an end point, in your opinion, than it might be appropriate to indicate that. -
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Re: Lighten Up?
Tue, June 16, 2009 - 3:58 PM>>It implies an authoritative relationship of superiority that may not be appropriate among equals.<<
Yes; that's precisely it - well put. -
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Re: Lighten Up?
Tue, June 16, 2009 - 9:30 PMagain, I think this is highly contextual;
in this rare instance, I find myself in disagreement with
timbozo. I think it's contextual, not
always automatically a "superiority" type thing....
I think it's ALWAYS wise to consider the person you're
speaking to, and your relationship to them...
I believe that's already been said ... D'oh! -
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Re: Lighten Up?
Wed, June 17, 2009 - 9:07 AMRight; contexts in which you wish to piss another person off or express superiority are perfect for telling someone they are foolish and juvenile for caring about something they are seriously agitated over.
Letting them know that their feelings are stupid and don't matter is just the ticket, in those cases.
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Re: Lighten Up?
Thu, October 15, 2009 - 11:56 AMIt depends on what you are telling them to lighten up about. If it's their rage, serious illness or death of a loved one the you deserve to get bitch slapped. But if it's in another context where maybe they are melodramatic, deep thinking, end of the world type of people then yeah, they need to lighten up.
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Re: Lighten Up?
Wed, June 17, 2009 - 7:39 AMIn contemplating this I considered if someone were to say "Lighten Up" to me. It almost instantly raises my shackles. If I were passionate about something enough to actually be told to lighten up, I would feel admonished, censored even..because of what? Because I was expressing myself? Ouch. On the other hand, I have often thought in my mind that someone should lighten up...quit being Debbie Downer. If you don't have anything good to say, don't say it. I never say it out loud, however.
Interesting. -
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Re: Lighten Up?
Tue, September 15, 2009 - 1:27 PMI dont want to swerve off topic but the phrase you just used "raised my shackles" is awesome. The usual expression is "raised my hackles" but I think shackles is way cooler. sort of an angry prisoner sort of thing. just wanted to say I think its great. -
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Re: Lighten Up?
Wed, September 16, 2009 - 6:29 AMlol. Thanks. I _knew_ it didn't sound right. ;-) -
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Re: Lighten Up?
Wed, September 16, 2009 - 3:45 PMI agree with tim - you should rock that neologism. I had the same image - a kind of soul in hell scene where one damned wretch tells you "lighten up" and you suddenly leap up ferociously, holding your manacles to the sky, raging against your chains and roaring "that's insultiiiiiiing raaarrrrrgh" -
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Re: Lighten Up?
Wed, September 16, 2009 - 3:48 PM
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